Patenting the perfect snowman

Earlier this month, Ignacio Marc Asperas of Melville, New York, received a U.S. patent for his “Apparatus for constructing a snow man/woman.” (via Lowering the Bar). His idea is to use lightweight hollow spheres as cores for the snow-belly and the snow-chest. The patent states:

A spherically shaped body is provided that has an outer surface and an interior, the interior substantially lighter than when the body is filled with snow. An adhesion surface is provided on the outer surface . . . that substantially increases [its] ability to adhere snow to the spherically shaped body.

If you are wondering what the innovative Mr. Asperas believes is wrong with the snowmen we’ve been making for centuries without availing themselves of any technology other than a warm pair of mittens, here is his explanation:

“You can never make a perfect snowman,” he laments. “The snow balls are never, and I mean never, perfectly round. They are always lop-sided and look sort of doofy.”

True. But isn’t spontaneous joy the point? There is cause to worry about a society that cannot abide imperfection in snow people.

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About Guy N. Texas

Guy N. Texas is the pen name of a lawyer living in Dallas, who is now a liberal. He was once conservative, but this word has so morphed in meaning that he can no longer call himself that in good conscience. Guy has no political aspirations. He speaks only for himself.
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