Reader mail: Is John Chambers of Standard and Poor’s a vampire?

Exchange with Anonymous:

Question:   I came across this photo of John Chambers, head of Standard and Poor’s sovereign ratings committee, in the New York Times yesterday. His skin does not appear to have ever been exposed to sunlight. Is it possible Mr. Chambers is a vampire?

Answer:   It’s much more likely the man just needs needs a vacation or a jog around the park. It’s surely very stressful to have led the charge to downgrade the world’s largest economy based on a $2 trillion math error. One can only imagine the awkward silences during media interviews. It’s safe to assume he’s not been sleeping well. Also London, where Mr. Chambers lives, is often overcast.

There is also compelling evidence against the vampire theory: Mr. Chambers attended a daytime meeting at the Treasury Department earlier this weekend. This rules out vampirism, although it does not necessarily rule out extreme Vitamin D deficiency.

Follow-up question:  I’m not buying your reasoning that the daytime meeting makes it impossible that Chambers is a vampire. Do you know for sure that he was not transported to the Treasury Department in a sealed coffin?

Answer:   Anonymous, let me issue my own downgrade warning at this time: you are in danger of being suspended from Notes and Rests due to silly questions.

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About Guy N. Texas

Guy N. Texas is the pen name of a lawyer living in Dallas, who is now a liberal. He was once conservative, but this word has so morphed in meaning that he can no longer call himself that in good conscience. Guy has no political aspirations. He speaks only for himself.
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